5 Ways to Build Your Self-Confidence

Build Your Self-Confidence with these Steps

Do you feel like you are struggling to have the confidence you need to succeed? We’ve all been there.

We all have to figure out how to have enough confidence in our abilities to get the job done (or get the job period) before we actually have the “credentials” to do so. There is an element of “fake it until you make it” for most parts of life.

Think back to starting kindergarten. You probably felt very overwhelmed about going to a big school without your family. Hopefully, someone guided you and told you that you would be okay. And, when you were there, your teachers and your new friends helped you to figure out the structure of what this new life of school is all about.

The rest of life is basically like that as well. It is one new learning opportunity after another. You just need enough confidence to get past the starting line and to the point of learning what you need to know to succeed.

Self-confidence is not an inherent trait but a quality that can be cultivated through deliberate and thoughtful action. One way to do this is to adopt the “act as if” strategy.

Learning to “Act as If”

The idea of “acting as if” is one way to get yourself on the road to who you want to be by modifying your behavior. If you practice trying on certain qualities before you actually have those qualities, you can teach yourself how to be like that. It sounds confusing, but it really isn’t.

Let’s say you get a new job as cashier at a retail store but you feel like you aren’t very good at interacting with people. What do you do?

You have a lot of options, but you would probably follow what your co-workers are doing to begin with, right? Because they are performing the role of cashier currently and are doing a good enough job to still be employed.

So, in your role of cashier, you can copy their behaviors, of smiling at customers and greeting them when they come in the store. Being helpful and asking them if they anything else and thanking them at the end of the transaction, etc. These are all behaviors that will lead you to have positive interactions with these customers.

The end result of pretending you knew what you were doing, leads to you knowing what you are doing when it comes to customer service. And knowing this gives you confidence in that area.

Learning to take small actions and fake it until you make it, gives you a positive feedback loop between your mindset and your actions. By doing this actively you aren’t just imitating success or confidence, you are actually cultivating these traits from within yourself.

By aligning your actions with your goals, you impact your self-perception and the perceptions of others around you. Eventually these actions become second nature to you and that sets the framework for genuine, long-lasting change.

Building Self-Confidence Through Repeated Actions

After you do the above for a while, you realize acting as if you know what you are doing has led to you actually having positive experiences that gives you proof you are good at this. Whether that is learning how to be a leader, speaking in public, or pursuing personal relationships, you can use this tool as needed.

Acting as if you are what you want to be can serve as a rehearsal for your eventual reality and help you to bridge the gap between present and future you. In the above example, you come to realize you are a “people person”, a new quality about yourself you can have confidence in!

When we consciously change our behavior to reflect how we want to feel, our sense of self begins to align with these actions. By acting as if you have confidence, you tear down the barriers of self-doubt that keep you from growing personally.

By performing a behavior before we feel like we have mastered it, we gain confidence within ourselves. Over time, what begins as a conscious imitation transforms into an authentic part of our identity, helping us to become the person we desire to be.

Every time we complete this loop within ourself that leads to positive outcomes, we gain more confidence in our ability to handle similar situations in the future.

Limiting Negative Self-Talk

I’ve written several articles on this topic, because it is one area I’ve had to work on repeatedly in my lifetime. I think that is probably true for all of us.

There are many ways to practice positive self-talk. The first step is to notice your thoughts. If you are constantly beating yourself up and speaking negatively to yourself, it will be really hard to instill confidence in yourself.

So, what does your internal monologue say to you? Does it say “You are so dumb, you will never figure this out” or “You are doing a good job, you are getting it”? Or some variation of either of those. Just notice what you are telling yourself as your narrative of your story.

And make sure, that you are being a friend to yourself, rather than a foe. You can read more about this in my article “Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love – What it Means and Why it Matters.”

Celebrate Your Wins and Believe in Yourself

You can’t expect others to believe in you, if you don’t believe in yourself. The best way to do this is to take note of all the things you have done in your life.

Make a list of the things you have accomplished and the trials you have overcome in your life. If you are living, you have proof of times when you have triumphed. Take note of that and celebrate those wins.

Actually, create a spreadsheet, a note in your phone, or a page in your journal where you lay out your wins in life. The older you are, the more wins you are going to have to catalog.

This is a highly personal thing as well, what looks like a win to me might be a loss to you. This is based on your personal beliefs and values of what you hold to be valuable.

I’ll give you a peak into a few of my wins – (1) Going to Europe by myself twice (I did meet up with a tour group when there but I didn’t know anyone before I got there) – showed myself that I can be courageous, adventurous, and that I believe in myself. (2) The second time I went to Europe, I had just ended a 4 year relationship and spent my wedding/honeymoon money to go on said trip – proved to myself that I was worthy of a new life, that I could fulfill some of my dreams on my own, etc.

You get the picture, now make your own list!

Be Willing to Begin Again

Whatever you set out to do in life, you are inevitably going to hit setbacks. That is just part of life. The key is to not let that stop you from moving forward.

One of the most important elements of self-confidence in my mind is the element of perseverance. You have to know in the back of your mind, that if this doesn’t work out, you will be okay.

Whatever it is that you are wanting to do, just know that one of two things will happen. Either it will work out the way you want it to and that will be great. Or, it won’t work out that way, and you will either figure out a different way or go in a new direction.

Life will just keep life-ing in the meantime. You have to be willing to move on trust in your abilities that you can learn new things and adapt as needed. Also, that nobody expects you to do everything perfectly from the beginning, that is just not realistic. So, give yourself lots of grace, okay?

And learning how to have a beginner’s mind and approach to things can give you a lot of confidence in the meantime – not to mention, it is just more fun as you are setting out on something new. You can read more about that in my article “The Magic Lies in Being a Beginner“.

Your Journey to Self-Confidence

Becoming more self-confident doesn’t happen overnight. It is also isn’t something that is a once and done kind of thing either. You become self-confident over time and through repeatedly challenging yourself and opening yourself to new opportunities.

The good news is that you can employ the principles above to just about any situation and learn and grow from it. And, that will make you feel more self-confident, period.

The prescription for self-confidence in my life is this:

1. Act as if you have the qualities you want to have by emulating someone you respect and admire
2. Build self-confidence through repeated actions – keep doing it until it becomes second nature
3. Limit negative self-talk – notice how you are speaking to yourself and talk nicely to yourself to inspire more self-confidence
4. Believe in yourself – celebrate your wins, as laid out above, believe in yourself based partly on the things you have done in the past. You can do more than you think you can.
5. Have a beginner’s mindset – be willing to begin again as needed – as many times as need.

By doing the above, you are creating a habit of self-reinforcement and positive behavior patterns. These consistent actions will shift your mindset helping you to achieve progress towards your ideal self.

Here’s to developing your self-confidence now and in the future. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this topic as well, so let me know your thoughts in the comments!